after Jan Beatty

Late again and without an apology
this is how the Father became a man.

This betrayal, this dismissal
this I-don’t-owe-anyone-an-explanation.

To be displaced, shoved behind
there, with his golf shoes, yesterday’s

paper and the weary purse of this
woman who is not his wife.

The unforgivable doing of a man I will forgive
again and again. Only yesterday I was so green

and filled with sparkle. Today begins my tarnishing,
here begins the birth of my new spine

But my now heart knows only
this rupture, these crashing waves.

My shoreline is a fickle beast
blinded by salt and buck.

And there is no stopping these crashing waves
and there is no unknowing of things.

Sad sorry self, will it
ever become easy, this business

of loving an impossible man?
You should be better at it by now.

Gentle father hardened by this world,
let us begin our new story

"Here begins your tarnishing, here begins the birth of your second heart."